As flat as a Milk Pond

I was listening to the radio last week when I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. The journey into work on public transport is already filled with strange characters; I don’t need to be added to the list for guffawing randomly.

The Chris Moyles Show runs a weekly feature on a Tuesday morning called Rob DJ’s Monday night pub quiz. In it, the Chris Moyles Show team members answer five randomly selected questions.

Witness this exchange:

Rachel (producer): “What was the name of the narrow boat that Rosie and Jim lived on?”

Team begin singing the theme tune to Rosie and Jim: “Rosie and Jim, Rosie and Jim, sailing along on the Old…….”

Dom (news reader): “Oh now I know it and I didn’t know it. I’ve put Milk pond.”

(The answer in case you were wondering was Old Rag Doll. )

Dave’s response to this was incredulous: “it’s not a milk pond it’s a mill pond, the expression is flat like a mill pond.

Poor Dom, he’s gone through his life referring to a tranquil ocean as being as calm as a pond of milk. He’s almost right of course, as he so aptly put it: “You don’t often see waves in milk”.

My pet hates in this area are:

  • Supernanny’s inability to say “That is not acceptable”, instead slurring the word so much that it nearly resembles “asseptable”. The fact that she chooses to use it at least four times in every show astounds me. If she can’t say it properly, she should use another word. We’ll have a generation of parents teaching their children “asseptable” behaviour.
  • Confusion over specific and pacific.
  • Confusion about teach and learn.
  • Confusion about borrow and lend*.

*yes I am one of those irritating people who respond to “Can I lend a tenner?” with “Of course, when are you going to send it to me?”.


5 thoughts on “As flat as a Milk Pond

  1. I am currently writing a style guide that covers principal/principle, practise/practice and all those other fun ones. I actually read an article today that about social media that said 'employers are worried about indiscrete employees'. Really? That would be employees that are one amalgous mass? Also, my ULTIMATE pet hate is people who misused 'literally'. You DID NOT literally just die. Much as I might want you to, illiterate!


  2. I can't believe you have to write a style guide, isn't that the purpose of a dictionary or grammar book? I mean I know people can't be bothered to check a lot of the time. But short of using your style guide to whack them around the head – it probably won't make any change to them!


  3. Oh and, seriously? Grey's Anatomy have a lot to answer for, seriously.

    (I know it's not literally – but that's what your comment reminded me of).


  4. Late to the party, but can I add some of my pet hates to this?

    People who choose 'assessories' to go with an outfit.
    And that ripe old chestnut, 'Theosaurus'.

    And don't get me started on 'schedule' and 'skedule'… gah!


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