I’d like to claim to be a closet MasterChef fan but the reality is I’m well and truly out there.
If anyone makes the mistake of mentioning the show to me – even to say how much they hate it – I’m off, waffling about the way that Greg Wallace ensures that the entire spoon scrapes over his teeth as he “tastes” the food, and the fact that John Torode (affectionately referred to as Jonty Rode) cannot say pasta (pusta anyone?).
I love and am slightly disturbed by Greg’s passion for desserts. Never has the sound of a portly, middle-aged man groaning over chocolate fondant felt so incredibly wrong. Scenes like this should be on after 9pm.
The comments from Greg and John can be hilarious:
- Greg (on a mousse cake) “It’s really not firm enough”
- Greg (on anything with chocolate in it) – peers over glasses “phwoar that’s lovely”
- John (on anything) “peppery rocket, fresh mint, lovely buttery mash, well cooked chicken, sweet peas…..” (goes on to just list every ingredient and not comment on whether it’s good)
Everything is a “plate of food” never just a dish….
I normally hate the voiceover woman – she introduces the contestants with inane facts about their lives. Does it matter that Sam comes from Lancaster or that Henry is an IT consultant? It shouldn’t but from that point on it’s Lancastrian Sam or IT expert Henry. Woe betide them if they dare to claim to be experimental (or traditional or fusion or inventive) cooks. You can see where this heads…. “Experimental cook, Sam has made….”
But tonight, tonight I laughed out loud.
We had “wild food forager Sarah has made…” and brilliantly “amateur magician Debbie has conjured up a dish of….”.
It made my night. Christ. I need to get out more.